However, today is a day for fathers and mine is the cream of the crop.  So here it is, in no particular order, three great things I have learned from my father (it is a challenge to boil all his love and wisdom down to just three pieces, but I’ll try!):

1. Go big, or go home.  It’s a mantra Ken and I tease about now, since we start out having a small idea that very quickly escalates into a giant project — see Halloween Ghoul.  One of the best things about my dad is that whenever I have an idea — he is always open and excited.  Very rarely (if ever) has he said — that’s impossible, or maybe I shouldn’t try to do so much, or that dream is too big.  Quite the contrary, so many of his ideas about running a successful business (60 years and counting) and as a community leader resonate from a true authentic place of enthusiasm and passion.  He’s not afraid of a challenge, and his support makes me feel bold.
2. Mind Over Matter.  I never really got this part of my dad’s philosophy as a kid.  Something bad would happen at school or at work and my dad would always ask, what is good about this?  Sometimes I want to scream, “Dad don’t you get it — this is a mess!  Everything is terrible!” But with loving perseverence he kept saying — what can we learn here? How can we change our own mindset?  Jump forward, about 15 years and I’m studying Buddhism and Eastern Religion.  One of the primary pillars of eastern thought is — the only thing you can change is your own mind.  Second, whatever you expect to happen in a situation, will! So always work to be open, gracious, and optimisitic — and good things will come.  My dad works to find the best in any situation.  It’s a gift he has, and has shared with my sister and I.
3. It should be fun.  At first, this may sound silly — some might even say wasteful.  What good is fun?  Well, besides just the obvious answer, that life is a journey and it might as well be fun!!! Over and over in management books and productivity blogs one primary lesson (see A Whole New Mind or Meeting on the Right Side of the Brain) is that joy makes you work harder, remained focused, and achieve more than any threat or fear could do.  My father studied recreation in college and his need to laugh and play is one of the best things about him.  Don’t believe me? You can’t help but be joyful in his presence sometimes, and his playful disposition makes everyone around him feel brave and happy — what better leadership is there than that?

On this day of celebrating dads, I could go on and on, about all the gifts he’s taught me.  This is a good start! Happy Father’s Day to my Dad! I’ve learned so much from you.  I love you!

I love self-help.  I love productivity.  I love the fantasy of setting goals and achieving them, building a rich vision life, and getting everything I want in a beautiful Tiffany-style blue box.. ..

But.

Sometimes challenge arises.  Sometimes when I get what I want — I don’t want it anymore.  Sometimes I feel like I am doing everything right, and not getting back the “right” result.  What’s up with that?

Well, with the exception of my close family and friends, I’m very careful about giving advice.  My sister, the queen of therapy and counseling, once told me that most people give you the advice they would want for THEMSELVES, and very rarely actually think about the other person’s situation or needs.  Since then, I’ve watched my advice. 

But as I’ve been looking for work and coming up mostly empty-handed — I’ve found myself feeling, well, sorry for myself.  “Why can’t I get an interview?”  “Why won’t they call me back?” “I’m 32 and I still don’t know what kind of job I want, isn’t that dumb?” [insert pop 80s classic here-- you spin me right round, baby right round, like a record baby. . .]

Through it all I’ve also learned a valuable lesson (hopefully, I’ve learned more than just one lesson).  When all of us are confronted with a new challenge, the “why” part of the problem is the most fun to talk about — “why isn’t it working?” “why does he do that?” “why am I in this mess again?”  Just writing these juicy gems gets my drama heart pumping. Pour me a glass of red wine, cuz it is going to be a long night!  The “why” part of the story is endless.  There are no concrete answers and endless possibilities.  If you stay focused on the “Why” long enough, you can actually spend most of your life not having to take any action at all.  Believe me, because I’ve tried. 

But here is are the two key points I’m learning:

1. The answers to the “why’s” of any problem only come after action — never before.  You can only know that it is a good decision to take the job, after you have been working there for a while.  You only know if you can climb that mountain after you’ve trained for a few months.  Although we all hope that a strong distinctive answer to the “why” of any problem would motivate us into taking action that’s just not the way it works.  I remember hearing Oprah’s trainer Bob Greene, when talking about getting fit, say that people wait for some big motivation to start exercising and losing weight — but when you start any new habit, at first you just do it because it’s the RIGHT thing to do, and then after you begin to lose weight you become motivated to continue.  But what does this really mean?  When you confront a challenge, you may not feel ultimately inspired to achieve the goal at the start.  Most likely, when you decide to quit smoking — you won’t completely WANT to quit, and you’ll be unsure if you can really change the habit.  It’s only after making it through the first day or two, that you begin to pick up some momentum.  We all want some big karmic sign, and to race out the door with the wind in our hair to blaze through a new challenge — but so often that isn’t the case.  We just try.  We just do our best, set expectations low, and have a compassionate connection to ourselves that gets us back on the horse when we fall.  The answers to the WHY only comes after you take action, and sometimes, it never comes at all — so just do something.  Anything.

1. When confronting any challenge — the “WHY” does not change the “HOW”.  Ken and I have been talking about this a lot and trying to catch each other when we start to invite the other to our pity party.   Does it really matter why you are in the position you are in now?  Or why things didn’t work the way you wanted it to?  All that matters is the HOW do you move forward to get what you want.  Even if I was able to learn “why” I’m having trouble getting a job — the economy?  bad resume?  over-qualified? not qualified enough? It doesn’t change the ultimate question — What do I need to do to get a job?  How do I move forward to get what I want for my life?  The problem is, the actions you need to take and the “how” of moving forward is usually the easy part.  In fact, if you take an issue you are working with in your own life — I bet you already know what you need to do to move forward closer to your goal, don’t you?  I do.  But it is so much more delicious to dwell in the “why’s” of the world — then you can talk destiny, then you can discuss all the possible outcomes, and most importantly — you can stay where you are not risk anything.  Even better, you become a victim in it all — its not your fault that you didn’t meet your goal!!! So many, why’s, so little time.  But you know the truth — being a victim sucks! You feel bad, powerless, pitiful — and even worse — you still aren’t achieving your goals.  So enough with all the reasons that I don’t get what I want.  The only question to ask is HOW.  How do I move forward to achieve my goals?  What do you I need to do to get there? 
   

wish me luck.

I say that because although Ken and I were volunteering for good causes, I had an agenda of what I would like to get out of the experience.  Sometimes this works, sometimes — not so much, so be careful with your own expectation when you offer to help out with an event or organization.  However, a good sense of why you are there and what you would like from it can be helpful in focusing your energy when there are “so many ways to help.”

When Ken and I returned from our musical vacation this year, we made an agreement to have more music in our lives.  He’s been picking up the guitar everyday, and I’ve been responsible for finding shows to see.  I love watching live music, but lets just say, my finances have not made spending $30-50 per ticket possible.

So, I signed up for a few ways to volunteer with two bands I like — Vienna Teng and the Indigo Girls — and when they came to town we saw the shows for free.  Working with Vienna Teng, her manager sent me a bunch of postcards that Ken and I dropped off all over the city.  We spent a morning walking our neighborhood, and then as I went into coffee shops or bookstores, I would drop some by the door or on the bulletin board.

With the Indigo Girls show, they were partnering with Rock for the Remedy, an organization that partners musicians and local food banks.  Concertgoers bring canned food to shows and they get entered in a raffle to win cool stuff.  We volunteered by sitting at the Remedy table and then watched the second half of the show for free.

So here are my suggestions for how to get involved to have a little fun (and maybe make a difference in the process):

1. Enlist Yourself.  If there is a group whose work you admire, or a cause that seems interesting sign up for their newsletter or their weekly alerts.  Most groups make asks for help or assistance with their work all the time.  So keep your eye out and stay in the loop for opportunities and future events.
2. Look for the Freebie.  There is a great exhibit at a local museum that I want to see (Muppets at the EMP), but regular admission is $15 per adult (too much for me). So, I did a little research and found that between 5-8pm on the first Thursday of each month, guest admission is free.  So Ken and I put it on our schedule as a June 4, Thursday night date.  Art Galleries, Park Concerts, Farmer’s Markets – all free, all fun.  Do a little online research to find deals near you.
3. Persistence and Patience.  I signed up to help out Vienna Teng in February, got her weekly alerts, but couldn’t find a way to help until April.  I emailed Rock for the Remedy three times before someone contacted me.  All this is to say that good groups and causes are often overwhelmed and not always streamlined about their response time – so be patient.  Don’t expect because you haven’t heard back in a day or two that they are uninterested, but just as important, don’t hesitate to drop them an additional note in another week.  I know, they should be grateful to have your skills and talents offered to them (and they are), but usually there is a small staff and a lot of priorities so a friendly welcoming reminder is a great way to stay fresh in people’s mind. 
4. If you build it, they will come.  It never hurts if you see an opportunity to suggest a way you can help.  Is the organization having a fundraiser – maybe you could help out on the night of the event?  Help them, help you — by telling them how they can use your skills.  Does your favorite band have a fan blog – maybe you could write a post and/or start a discussion group?  There are limitless ways to help and become involved.   If you don’t get a response (or you don’t get the response you would like), build your own opportunity.  Creativity Welcome.

So, I have to admit, I’ve been running terrible meetings and I will really think about my goals and style from now on.  I need more toys!