Over the past few months, it has been difficult to find a job.  From time to time, I can’t help but throw my hands up and ask the universal defeating question — “what is wrong with me?”.    All of a sudden regardless of almost 10 years of experience I find myself at a high school dance wondering why I’m standing with my girlfriends and not dancing with a hot varsity football player.  What’s wrong with me?  Am I not pretty enough?  Am I not easy enough?  — Jump to this moment with my career — Am I not smart enough?  Am I not talented enough? Creative Enough?  Blah, blah, blah.

The wonderful merry-go-round of my self flagellation is in place.

But as I feel the sweet need to wallow in self pity, I return to three pieces of advice my mother has given me throughout my life.  So here it is:

Mom Advice #1: Learn Something

When I went home in 2004, I was terribly depressed and my parents patiently took me in to recover and get medical help.  This little sabbatical ended up being almost a year at home, on the couch, not sleeping, and a lot of crying.  My family is really close, so upon reflection, I bet this really hurt my parents to see me so broken, but you would never know it.  Instead of feeding the sadness, my parents were supportive and kept as much “normalcy” as possible.

During this time, nothing felt good.  Nothing sounded fun.  Nothing held much interest.  My mother gave me some wise advice: LEARN SOMETHING.  Anything, it didn’t matter what it was.  I told her in a depressive haze that I wanted to make jewelry and the next week we were at Michael’s buying a set of jewelers tools, and a little case with a series of small cubbies for each of my beads.  I sat on the couch simply stringing beads (with no shortage of jokes about arts and crafts from crazy camp) — this didn’t really “fix” my depression, didn’t get me any closer to good health, nor did it get me a job.  It just got my hands and head working in unison, and even more importantly, kept my frantic mind busy for a while.

Then, one night I mentioned that I didn’t have a book to read.  So we flew off to a brilliant independent bookstore in Manchester, VT (honestly, it is one of the best in New England), and we bought books.  My mother didn’t care what the books were about.  So I bought self-help guides, buddhist readings, better blogging texts, and a bunch of magazines on organizing your life, getting summertime hair, and natural health.  Again, my mother is not a “self help” kind of gal, and buddhism was a new idea I had stumbled onto, but she put down her credit card and bought everything I could carry.  We went home and for the next week, I continued to lay on the couch, but at least I laid on the couch with books on my lap.  Sometimes they were open, sometimes they laid closed for days, but they were a standing reminder of intellect and possibility.

So, jump to today.  I’ve applied to at least 75 jobs.  Jobs I should get.  Jobs that I could do.  But for a series of reasons I can’t control I’m not getting calls or interviews.   I’m feeling pretty sorry for myself, but my mother’s words have stayed with me.  LEARN SOMETHING — ANYTHING.

Here are some of the things I have learned since being unemployed:

• Knitting.  Granted, right now it is just a long strip of knit, but I prefer to call it a scarf.  I tried to learn online and then Ken’s mother sat down and with magic hands walked me through the basics.
• How to go back to the gym.  I’m not as consistent as I want to be, but I really like going to the gym.  Moving my muscles, lifting weights, and simply running on a treadmill occasionally feels good again.  This new movement even got me to sign up for the Danskin Triathlon again this year.
• Giving.  I’ve had the chance to work as a volunteer for a great group SaveTogether.  Learning about start-up companies, micro-saving, social networkingm, and giving of my time just because I’m passionate about the work.

Mom’s Lesson # 2: Play it Through

What is the worst that can happen?  What is your biggest fear?  You’ll lose your job?  No money?  Being embarrassed in front of colleugues or friends?  My mother’s advice to these fears is to play it through.  For example, my biggest fear is that I will never find a job.  Ok, well I already have no job so — congrats.  Mission accomplished.  And even though I have no job, my boyfriend is supporting me. We are covering bills and living in a house.  Hell, we are even going on vacation next week.  So play the scenario through until the end.  And then what, And then what. . . this helps me realize three things:

1. Most of the problem is my own drama that keeps me from taking action.  Chill out, I’m are not that important.
2. Most of my fear is based on future scenario’s that may or may not happen, or based on information I can’t know right now.  Rudy Giuliani in his book on leadership had a good piece of advice — a good leader doesn’t make decisions until he/she absolutely has to.  Often we are trying to decide what we would do in the future when we don’t have enough information to make an educated guess.  So, cross that bridge when you get there — don’t anticipate or assume. Wait until there is a decision to be made.
3. Any problem, even the real big ones boil down to small manageable steps.  Even Christopher Columbus before he sailed the ocean blue, made a “to do” list — get funding from Queen Isabella, find a ship builder, name boats, find a crew, make way to Indian Isles or fall off the edge of the world.  So, break it down and take action.  If you can fix it, solve it, pay it, end it — do it now.  And keep doing that until it’s done.

Mom Lesson #3: The Universe Doesn’t Care.

My mother has prints from the Hubble Telescope up on wall at her house in Vermont.  In between, a collection of tea pots, and my dad’s exercise equipment are pics of spiral galaxies and supergiant stars.  It doesn’t really make sense with her country living style.

When I asked my mother about her decorating choices, she explained that when she looks at these pictures from space she remembers how small we are.  Our lives, our dramas, may feel important or life changing, but we are star dust.  We are not completely insignificant, but the vast experience of time and the universe doesn’t care whether or not you keep your job or stay with your partner.  It was here before you, it will be here after you.

Want to blow your mind –I just watched a show on the universe that suggested that not only are there 11 dimensions, but that there could be infinite universes breaking off from one another like bubbles — some float away, some dissolve.  In these infinite dimensions and universes everything that could happen — will happen or has already happened.  Think about it — there is a dimension where you are president, a dimension where dinosaurs still roam the earth, and a dimension where you are a pop star.  The possibilities are endless.  The story of life is so much greater than your day to day life and our tiny choices.  Move forward with grace, kindness, and logic — when all else fails. . .Stand in awe of the universe.

“There is a theory which states that if ever for any reason anyone discovers what exactly the Universe is for and why it is here it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another that states that this has already happened.”

- Douglas Adams

“Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I’m not sure about the universe.”

– Albert Einstein

And when all else fails, perseverance, pragmatism, or the vast discover of the universe. . .just listen to your mother!

But in all my studies I never realized that what I really should have been studying is bugs. Here’s what I mean from a story on NPR called “Seratonin Boost Turns Locusts Into Social Swarms.“

A common brain chemical that affects mood in people has been linked in new research to the devastating swarming behavior of locusts, the insect that has plagued farmers since biblical times.

Elevated levels of serotonin, the same chemical targeted by some anti-depressant medications, appear to have a transformative effect on the insects’ social behavior, according to a report published this week in Science.

So, it seems as locusts swarm they release chemicals that raise their mood.  So the advice from Pearl at CarrieandDanielle.com (where I first saw the blog post) is when you are feeling down, swarm your way to joy.  I like it, and will try next time the blues arise.

So, I have to admit, I’ve been running terrible meetings and I will really think about my goals and style from now on.  I need more toys!

My interest in this subject comes from a memory – a trip to the beach in Edmonds, Washington. One Saturday, my tall and lanky father took me with him to collect gallons of sea water. He was working for Honeywell, the Microsoft of Bellevue during the 70’s. The huge green army containers made my father huff and pant, lugging them to the car across a beach empty of swimmers, the afternoon cool, gray and sprinkling rain.

He was collecting the sea water to help his team. He was one of a group of men who had designed the enclosure for the original ‘Black Box’. That was what my father was good at: designing successful enclosures.

Here’s the link to the site: BLACK BOX

The mountain has been summited and a company is now selling energy efficient solar cells at inexpensive pricing and high output. This means there are more efficient and less expensive version to come, using a solar cell ‘printing’ technology developed by NanoSolar of California.

Watch the vid!!!

http://ibnlive.com/news/indian-doc-develops-enzyme-that-can-destroy-hiv/48654-17.html

Read up and spread the good word…

I will start at the beginning and try to make up for it over the next week or two. So let’s start with Earth Day.

First and foremost, I have never considered myself very good at being “environmental”. Don’t know why since my dearest friends are all green in work and lifestyle. Lapster has always been better in this area. He is great at recycling, buys products with the least amount of packaging, etc. I, on the other hand, am a lazy environmentalist. If it is easy — if it is trendy — I’m much more likely to do it. I’m embarrassed by that, and hopefully looking to make a change.

So I decided that I would do my best with the easy lazy side of saving the planet. Lapster is a great motivator. So here are the new things we are doing:

• We will use cloth napkins at meals instead of paper ones.

And you get to go buy pretty cloth napkins — so I like that!

• We will buy only recycled toilet paper and paper towels.

I like doing this, but honestly, they cost more and I go for the super cheap, but it is important — I’m going to bite the bullet. I seem to find plenty of room in my budget for cookies, ice cream, and diet coke — I can spend an extra 60 cents for recycled paper supplies.

• Turn down the thermostat by 2 degrees.

This is also easy for me because I am in a constant state of boiling. Very rarely cold — of course, poor Lapster is so skinny and tall he’ll need to wear an extra sweater. Spring comes soon — so I don’t know if I’m being a hero to not use the heat in the summer — but hey, I’ll take credit anywhere that I can get it.

• Use cloth groceries bags.

This is my biggest change for two reasons — One, I just always forget to bring them in. We have several cloth bags in the car. They are right in the back seat for goodness sake, but I never grab them. I forget until I’m watching some high school kid double bagging my box of sandwich bags.

Second, it was hard to do at first. I know that sounds silly — I mean I live in Seattle — green capitol of the world. But I was a little nervous. I was worried they thought I was “trying” to be cool. Maybe I wouldn’t have enough bags, but once I got over my own silly nerves — no one said a word — except the bagger said, “it’s great that you use your own bags, and these are really cute.” So no excuse. Gotta make the change.

• Change to energy light bulbs.

We’ve replaced most of the light bulbs in the house and as they burn out — we use energy saving bulbs. Then I make sure to turn off lights we aren’t using. My dad would be so proud.

So I haven’t adopted baby seals. I’m not drinking my own bath water or anything, but I decided I will do the easy stuff and be consistent. That’s my small gift that will make a difference in the long run.

The other thing that inspired me about Earth Day — was watching the Planet Earth series on the Discovery Channel. It is an understatement to say that Lapster and I are obsessed. Every Sunday night for the past few weeks we have been glued to the television. The nature coverage was collected on HD cameras for several years and the footage is like nothing I have ever seen. They are going to show the re-runs through May — find your local listing and check it out or you can buy the dvd it at the Discovery Store.

So hopefully this is just the beginning for me. Baby steps. It takes the earth thousands of years to change — and I seem to change at a similar pace.

Earth Day Resources

• Earth911.org
• Earthday.net
  
• Earthsite.org

I found this great strange map site. I think it is important to see a bread map of France or a map of Jack Kerouac’s travels.

My mom always loved maps and valued her place in the passenger’s seat next to my father as the navigator. I guess it rubbed off on me. Enjoy.

Well, for many years the concept of ‘Over Unity’ or ‘Free Energy’ has been bandied about. That term can be defined as the generation of energy using a process that somehow releases more energy than the process itself (or used to start the process). I don’t know much about this concept, besides hearing stories about devices that spin so fast they change the very air around them and freeze solid in a millisecond. I’ve seen a variation of the idea explored on television, in the program Myth Busters, where they built a perpetual motion machine which generated motion but not enough energy to call it ‘free’. But the video I just saw on YouTube could be revolutionary. It involves the use of an electric motor to turn a cylinder with holes bored in it inside of a chamber filled with water to generate steam. The holes, and the speed of the spin, hammers the water molecules, exciting them and converting them to steam. The output of energy has been measured as greater than that which was used to run the device (the resulting steam could in turn be tapped to power the electrical motor that runs the device, as well as an axilliary motor which would be producing ‘Over Unity’ or ‘Free Energy’).

Welcome to the future, or at least a great trick…

In other coffee news (yes, there is actually is other coffee news) it appears that McDonald’s beat out Starbucks for best coffee. Where I grew up in Vermont we didn’t have too many coffee choices (or any for that matter), but I have always had a special place in my heart for Dunkin Donuts. However, now I am a Seattleite and I have a terrible love/hate relationship with Starbucks. I hate the sell-out of corporate coffee and $5.00 for a latte is highway robbery, but in a world that is in a constant state of change there is one thing you can always count on – there is always a Starbucks on the next corner. I mean EVERY CORNER!